This post is a little different. We’re writing this together as three sisters. Independently, all three of us struggled with body image issues growing up. We didn’t know until years later that we had all been going through it seemingly alone. Below are three true stories, one from each sister (in no particular order).

Sister A: I remember at the dinner table one night I was pushing food around my plate, hoping my parents wouldn’t see I was just pretending to eat. In the hour we sat there, I probably ate three small bites. The next morning, I lied to my mom: I told her I had already eaten breakfast.

Sister B: I remember the phone ringing on the other end. I was calling to make my appointment. I had been wanting to get plastic surgery ever since a woman I looked up to got it. When the receptionist answered the phone, I briefly considered hanging up because I was ashamed and scared. But I took a deep breath and scheduled it. Thankfully, I called back a few weeks later and canceled.

Sister C: I remember sobbing. I had reached a breaking point–I loved food and just couldn’t control myself. Disgusted with how much weight I had gained in just 6 months, I was so desperate for change but felt trapped.

Thankfully, over the last few years, we’ve each confronted our body image issues, and we’ve become a lot better at loving ourselves. In an effort to help at least one girl, we’ve compiled a list of 33 signs your daughter has body image struggles and 16 tips for how you can help her overcome them.

Yeah, but you’re thinking, “My daughter is perfect and beautiful.” Well, we’d say, “Doesn’t matter.” After talking with each other and with many friends, we have found that girls often struggle with their body image no matter what their body looks like.

To help you know if your daughter might be struggling with her body image, check out our list below of behaviors we’ve seen our past selves or our friends do. Please note, just because your daughter shows one or a few of these signs doesn’t necessarily mean she struggles with her body image, but they are great indicators.

33 Signs Your Daughter Struggles with Her Body Image

Social Media/Pictures

Uses appearance-altering filters or photoshop when posting pictures to social media
Obsesses over the number of likes her photos get on social media and/or checks likes and comments frequently after posting a picture of herself (she is worried about what others think/if people find her attractive)
Compares someone else’s picture to her own body and/or uses picture of someone else as motivation for dieting and exercise
Avoids having her picture taken and/or hides behind others in pictures
Only likes pictures taken of her from certain angles or positions (e.g., she wants to stand on the left side, she always tilts her head in a specific angle)
Has a distorted idea of what she looks like and/or exaggerates “flaws” (e.g., she sees herself as heavier set than she really is, she thinks her face is noticeably asymmetrical)

Eating

Obsesses over calorie counting
Goes on diets to lose weight
Hides food (has a “secret stash”) and/or consumes food privately
Says she isn’t hungry or avoids eating meals and just snacks here and there (this is a known strategy for under-eating)
Skips meals, binge eats, and/or purges (through vomiting or laxatives)
Eats her feelings (is an emotional eater)

Exercising

Exercises to burn off calories consumed and/or makes exercise decisions based on what she ate (e.g., “I just ate so much! I need to go on a run.”)
Focuses on toning one area of her body instead of whole body workouts

Weight

Weighs herself frequently (daily is too frequently–daily weight fluctuations are usually from water weight changes or timing of bowel movements)
Has an unnecessary and/or unrealistic weight goal (healthy tweens and teens shouldn’t need a weight goal)

Clothing

Hates clothes shopping
Doesn’t like wearing a swimming suit
Wears baggy clothes
Frequently tries on multiple outfits in the morning
Chooses what she wears based on how much she has eaten or will eat
Only wears black and/or only wears clothes that are “slimming”

Makeup

Won’t leave the house without makeup
Seems addicted to her makeup routine–any less makeup and she doesn’t feel pretty
Spends an excessive amount of time getting ready for the day
Uses makeup to hide something instead of using it to enhance her features
Reapplies makeup throughout the day (this is a sign of constantly worrying about what she looks like)

Talk

Talks bad about her physical appearance (e.g., “I’m fat,” “I don’t like my nose,” “My eyes aren’t big enough,” “My hair looks awful today”)
Makes fun of other people’s physical appearance
Brings up her appearance a lot
Jokes or makes subtle comments about her appearance (e.g., “I’ve got a food baby from eating so much,” “My pasty skin makes me almost invisible”)
Talks about or considers plastic surgery to “fix” something about her body
Dismisses compliments about her appearance

16 Tips to Help Your Daughter Have a Healthy Body Image

Don’t talk about how much, when, or what she eats. Of course this is not applicable to toddlers or young girls who still need your guidance on making good choices.
Avoid negative body talk about yourself and others.
Talk about the amazing things your (and her) body can do. Here are a few examples… Stretch marks: “These are proof that I’ve carried and birthed a baby.” Large thighs: “I love how your strong legs can help you run fast.” Small eyes: “Isn’t it amazing that we can see?”
Tell her she’s beautiful but not only when she’s “done up” or dressed up nicely. You want her to know she’s beautiful as is.
Focus on your (and her) overall health instead of weight.
Help her be a wise consumer of social media. For example, teach her that most people are showing their best–and sometimes photoshopped–self, not their true self.
Teach her how unrealistic ads are. You could show her this Dove ad that shows photoshop and ad distortion and then talk about it with her.
Encourage her to say self-affirmations. For example, I helped my child say, “I am happy, I am healthy, I can do anything I set my mind to, I am a child of God who loves me!” every morning for a year. It helped his day start off with a boost of confidence.
Help strengthen her sense of divine nature and individual worth. This tip isn’t for everyone, but it sure helped me. Understanding I am a daughter of God helped improve how I viewed myself–including my body image. (For example, this is a great video about finding your inner beauty.)
Focus most of your of compliments on her internal characteristics instead of her physical appearance.
Provide her with good role models of strong, smart women (like Serena Williams, Rosa Parks, Mother Teresa, Hilary Clinton, Malala Yousafzai, and Amelia Earhart).
Get her out serving others, especially those with physical limitations.
Encourage her to accept compliments instead of dismissing them. None of this: “You look cute today.” “Gosh, I threw on the first thing I could find.” Don’t reject it… accept it! A simple “thank you” works. We wouldn’t argue with or dismiss a compliment someone gave to our friend, so we shouldn’t do it to ourselves.
Consider having an open conversation about body image. Perhaps, ask her if it’s a struggle for her, if she notices body image issues at school, or if there is something that you can do to help better promote a healthy perspective and attitude. Then be prepared to just listen. Don’t discount their feelings. Empathize with them and validate their experience instead of trying to tell them what they are thinking or feeling is wrong. Be open to her feedback and make pivots in your behavior as needed.
If her body image struggles are severe, get outside help. There are experts for this including eating disorder and body image specialists.
Be a good example of healthy body image. If you want her to love her body, you need to love yours. She can tell how you feel about your body, and it will likely become how she feels about hers.

Do you have other signs or tips to share? If so, please share in the comment section below!

The DIY Lighthouse

Signs Your Daughter Struggles with Her Body Image & How to Help