Before everyone rashly judges with a, “Boooooo! You don’t like Halloween?!” let’s stop to think about some legitimate reasons why people would chose not to participate in Halloween candy-giving this year. The first reason that comes to mind is a new baby at home. Chances are that baby will FINALLY be asleep by the time trick-or-treaters are coming around, and having people ring the doorbell over and over again will not bode well for baby or parents. Another reason could be financial. When my husband and I were college students, we had a $30 (no joke) weekly grocery budget one semester, so there was no chance, no way, that we were going to spend our little money on candy. Sooo, there is a time and place for candy giving. If you’re not in that time or place, continue reading for some tips about how to avoid trick-or-treaters.

Lights equals off

Truth be told, this, ladies and gentlemen, is probably the simplest way to avoid trick-or-treaters. You may have the occasional bystander who doesn’t “get it,” but for the most part, people won’t waste time hiking up your steps and, heaven forbid, waiting there for 30 seconds just for no one to come to the door. Be sure that all indoor and outdoor lights are turned off. Afterwards, all you have to do is hide in the basement for the night and watch a chick flick in your snuggie.

Make decorations invisible

It’s kind of an oxymoron if you’re not wanting trick-or-treaters to display Halloween decorations all over your porch during trick-or-treating time. If you’re not wanting trick-or-treaters, be sure to remove all your Halloween decorations from off your yard, front porch, and door. You might look boring for the night, but at least it’ll help keep people from knocking.

Hide yo car

In the frenzy of candy and costumes, trick-or-treaters will typically avoid houses that seem vacant of sugary goodness. While this is merely a detail in the process of how to avoid trick-or-treaters, it is an important one nonetheless: get that car out of sight. A car in the driveway can tip parents and kids off that you are home and, therefore, passing out candy. Park in the garage or down the street in front of the neighbor-you-don’t-like’s house.

Empty bowl trick

Some may call it cruel and unusual…I prefer pure genius. To avoid trick-or-treaters, simply leave a large empty bowl out on the porch. If you feel especially torturous-and-don’t-care, include a sign that says, “Please take one.” That makes everyone else seem like the bad guy who stole all the candy, and it makes you appear as the kind neighbor who donated a whole bowl full of candy to the Halloween festivities.

The dreaded “beware of dog” sign

There’s nothing that’ll scare off a couple innocent children like several “beware of dog” signs plastered all over your fence. Seen the movie “Sandlot”? ‘Nuff said. If you don’t have a fence but still think this concept will work, the more power to you. It may at least fool the most confused bystanders.

Apply Caution tape

I must admit, this tip of how to avoid trick-or-treaters might encourage a couple random determined children, but it’ll discourage the vast majority of kids from blazing a trail to your door. Just get a big roll of caution tape, and use it to block off your entire front porch. Apply caution tape as you would cheese to nachos: very generously.

The friendly sign method

If you’re worried about what others may think of you or perhaps are even just a thoughtful person, leaving a friendly sign may be the best method. Here are examples of notes you could display:

“Spiders and goblins took the all treats! Perhaps you’ll find more down other streets.”

“Sorry there’s no treat, we could’t afford the receipt.”

The threatening sign method

Perhaps you feel the friendly signs don’t get the point across. Here are some threatening sign ideas:

“Baby is sleeping. Ask for a treat, you’ll be dead meat.”

“Ring the doorbell for a treat, and you’ll be joining the man in the street.” (Have a crime scene drawn with chalk.)

Remember, if some cute, innocent little kid ends up ringing your doorbell, they aren’t trying to ruin your life. Just think of Gandhi or Bambi and try to be kind. Let’s not be “that person” who make enemies of all the neighborhood kids and their parents. If you feel your mood resembles that of the Hulk more than Snow White, either ignore the doorbell and don’t go to the door, or leave the house and go get yourself a fruit smoothie.

Happy avoiding-trick-or-treating!