5 Secrets to Having Meaningful Pillow Talk

Valentine’s Day is around the corner and love is in the air. But–let’s be real–it’s always a good time to try strengthening your relationship with your spouse. One great way to better your relationship is by having meaningful pillow talk.

Below are 5 secrets to help your pillow talk time. And to make these tips easy to remember, the first letters spell out “P TALK” for “pillow talk.”

5 Secrets for Pillow Talk (P TALK)

P- Praise

Use pillow talk as a time to praise your spouse. Frequently giving sincere compliments will help your relationship thrive. Not only will a compliment boost your spouse’s confidence and encourage them, but looking for ways to compliment your spouse will also remind you of their wonderful qualities. Therefore, both of you will feel deepened love toward each other.

T- Tune In

It is so easy to get distracted these days. Smart phones, the TV, and other devices are stealing our attention away from each other. Use pillow talk as a time to really tune into your spouse and give them your full attention. Put the phone away. Turn it off if you need to. Relationships take effort and this little secret will allow you to focus on the most important person in your life. By tuning in, even if you don’t have quantity time you can have quality time.

A- Ask Questions

This secret is especially important if you are a talker. I like to complain, share good news, and gab about other parts of my day. Because of this, I have to focus on asking questions to give my husband a turn to talk.

Get to know what is on your spouse’s mind by asking them questions. You can ask questions about their dreams, goals, frustrations, high points, etc. I suggest doing “best and worst” where you can each share the best thing and the worst thing that happened to you that day. It’s a quick and easy way to keep up on the day-to-day events, and then if you have extra time you can dive into deeper topics.

L- Listen

During pillow talk, give your spouse your full attention. While they are talking, really listen to what they are saying and try to find ways that you can better support and love them. Acknowledge things they say and work on showing empathy. Click here for a post that will give some great advice on how to be a better listener. (The post is geared toward listening to children, but has good general listening advice that is very applicable when listening to a spouse too.)

K- Kuddle

I know that “cuddle” doesn’t start with “k,” but pretend with me that it does so that I can spell out P TALK. Be sure to cuddle with your spouse! Having that physical connection while you’re talking together will help you bond. And who doesn’t love a good cuddle?

My hubby’s pillow talk tip: Have a pillow. Not as cute or creative as my 5 secrets to having meaningful pillow talk, but I’ll admit that a pillow does make pillow talk better.

Hopefully this post has given you some good ideas for how to improve your pillow talk. If you’ve enjoyed this post, check out these other posts on 5 New Year’s Resolutions for Your Marriage7 Ways to Show Your Child You Are Listening, and Valentine’s Day Traditions Your Family Will Love.

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6 thoughts on “5 Secrets to Having Meaningful Pillow Talk

  1. My husband’s always glued to his phone right before he falls asleep, and I will feel bad if I always make him put his phone away so we can talk. I don’t feel like it will be as sincere. Hopefully it will get better. Thanks for the tips!

    1. Michelle, thank you for your comment. That is a valid concern. Here’s an idea you could try. . . . Start asking your husband a question about his day. When he gives an answer (no matter how long or short/detailed or vague), ask a follow-up question. Then ask another follow-up. And another. Give him sincere compliments and validation. (Example: You: How was your day? Him: Good. You: What about it was good? Him: I got a lot done at work. You: That’s great! You’ve always been a hard worker. What projects have you been working on lately?… etc.) Dig deep and he may put down his phone and open up! Play the part of the listener and validate him, and then he may start asking you questions too. Good luck and let me know if it gets better!

    2. Michelle, I’d also add that it’s okay to ask him to put away his phone. You are important and so is your relationship with him. You could say something like, “I notice you like to spend time on your phone before bed. I was wondering if before you did that we could have some uninterrupted connection time. I’d like to hear about your day and how your doing and share some things from my day.” I know for me it is important to let go of my husband’s reaction and tell him what I’m needing and wanting. If I never say anything, he’ll never know. And from my experience, the result is better when I share what my desires are. Hope that helps!

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